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a small burst of consciousness

again, i'm faced with a situation where i have a strong urge to write, yet i don't know what to write about.

There's this feeling inside me that i don't know how to describe. I want to laugh and cry and scream and hit something or someone or myself all at the same time. It feels almost like a power that needs to be harnessed. Right now, i'm not in any kind of control. Well, that's not true. If i was *really* out of control, i might do something damaging to myself. physically, i mean.

it's also like the part of my brain that is normally able to numb out the frantic sort of energy that i'm feeling is failing right now. Maybe because of the context. me, home alone, having about five things that i need to do for tomorrow and not feeling like doing any of it. I'm not sure why i'm doing what I'm doing.

i want to feel safe. so that i can let this feeling out. Once or twice since the last time I've had more potential despair moments, and I think that what stops me is a lack of shelter.

A few things can make me feel better. but just as short term solutions. I still feel... hmm. flammable. not literally.

enough.

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