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every now and again, i forget that when i'm feeling depressed or instable or whatever, i really shouldn't do anything that physically tires me.

after playing DDR twice today, once just to practice and once to be social, i put myself in a state of exhaustion that accentuated all of these insecurities and fears that i'm dealing with right now with various aspects of my life.

The catch-22 is that typically when i'm depressed, DDR is one of the things that can pull my focus back in and help me find my center. So when i start to feel more depressed and insecure and lonely because of my state of weak emotional and physical stamina, my gut reaction is to play more DDR to try to make me feel better. And it just sprials and spirals until i lose it, and i need to take some time in a safe place to recover, find a way to reapply the shield i always have in front of me, the one that says, "nothing to see here, everything's fine."

i have my strong days and my weak ones. this was a weak one, surely. but tomorrow is a different day. maybe it'll be better, maybe it'll be worse, but in the grand scheme of things, like [Butters], i still love life.

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nabikchan
Feb. 5th, 2004 10:17 pm (UTC)
I've seen that with guys, typically they can put all their energy into playing, the one time I tried doing that, I burst out into tears. There are many other things on my mind while I'm playing, especially in a depressive state.
eversorachel
Feb. 6th, 2004 11:21 am (UTC)
you know what you need on days like this? otter hugs. yep. that's the sure cure. i shall give you some. *gives many many otter hugs*
( read spoken (2) — speak )

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