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the random good night entry.

i've been sitting here trying to come up with something to write about. About twenty different ideas came into my head, but none of them went anywhere, so the screen lay dormant for a while.

i still don't know if there's anything in particular i want to write about.

*ponders*

When i was kid, i used to be into those "Choose Your Own Adventure" books. They were these early forms of interactive reading where you'd read a page of description/plot and have to make a decision based on two or more choices, and you chose by going to a particular page number. "if you'd like to open the door, go to page 5. if you'd like to examine the table, go to page 10. If you want to rub the lamp, go to page 68." things like that.

it's tempting for me to think about my life, particularly my life right now, and simplify it into that kind of paradigm, but it's not that simple. Life isn't really about coming to a crossroads and then choosing one path or the other - or at least that's not how i want to live my life. I don't like to forge ahead in something and not look back.

When I play an RPG like Final Fantasy or Parasite Eve, I'm the kind of person that combs every single pixel until i'm sure that everything has been examined, and then when i go to the next room and advance some sort of plot, i'll go back to the previous room and recomb it again in case something new has happened.

I see my life as that kind of jumping, looking forward, back, and present all at the same time. I'm in a constant state of self-evaluation and questioning.

The funny thing is that you'd think that with this kind of attitude, i'd easily regret or dwell on things in the past, but i don't have any regrets, really. To me, all of my experiences add up to the person that i am Now. I can't begin to speculate whether things would be Better or Worse if This happened instead of That, and it's useless to think about those things. That has nothing to do with my life now. five years ago i could have been married to Hannah and we'd be some sort of happy couple while i got my masters degree. nine years ago i could have decided to march my age out year in the cadets instead of going back to the crossmen. so what?

i'm not sure where i was going with this. beh. this entry sucks.

kind of want some crackers.

Comments

( read spoken (5) — speak )
(Anonymous)
Feb. 15th, 2004 03:13 am (UTC)
hey darknote, interesting journal u have...
hi darknote, i listen to christian music...
have you heard about The Passion? it's a movie about the last hours of Jesus' life before the Crucifixion - i've heard a lot of good things about it, and i agree after seeing the trailers...

Here's some links I found

Some trailers (http://movies.go.com/movies/P/passion_2003/index.html?sptype=AV&ipsrc=media&reftype=pi#)

Information (http://www.passion-movie.com)

The Passion of the Christ (flash) (http://www.thepassionofthechrist.com)
Other trailers (http://www.thepassion.tv)

</b>
I may not know you, but I do want to let my brothers and sisters know about this movie. Some people are concerned the movie might be too violent. But let's be honest, the Cross was violent! Crucifixion was a brutal form of execution. When Jesus died for my sins, the nails were real, his flesh broke, and the blood fell. This incredible (and violent) act paid the price that I couldn't pay. After seeing the violence that Jesus may have suffered, I want to know him more, I want to be a more committed follower of Jesus, I want people to know what Jesus did. Because of this, I personally believe it's worth the risk of taking some heat by promoting this movie. So I don't really care about being made fun of for posting a 'religious' message. If you want to help others to realize what Christ did for us, encourage them to see this movie!
later darknote,
  - Andrew
lifeofmendel
Feb. 15th, 2004 03:34 am (UTC)
Re: hey darknote, interesting journal u have...
wow. interesting random spam comment in this journal entry.

i think i've gotten one of these before. not about a christian movie, but generally promoting christianity. wonder if it was generated by a spam-bot. kind of seems like it.

anyway, thanks "Andrew". I want to tell you about this guy named Joseph Smith.

platypi25
Feb. 15th, 2004 09:25 am (UTC)
Re: hey darknote, interesting journal u have...
Even if it is by a random spambot, that movie does sound bad ass. Mel Gibson produced it and apparently the whole movie is in Aramais and Latin with no subtitles. When asked how he could make a movie in two Dead Languages, Gibson replied, "C'mon, it's Jesus. Everybody already knows the story" Thats just cool.
ex_scorppoe
Feb. 15th, 2004 08:43 am (UTC)
I used to love the "Choose Your Own Adventure Books" of course, I would cheat and read them backwards-- but they were still great.

Thanks for the memories!
eversorachel
Feb. 15th, 2004 10:45 am (UTC)
when playing final fantasy, i like to keep the strategy guide right by my side, so's i don't miss anything important. they don't really have strategy guides for life, though. unless you count self-help books. i'm not sure i'd want to have the strategy guide to my life, though. it would make me feel as though i really didn't have a choice as to what i was doing, i was just postponing until the next big plot scene. and now that i'm comparing my life to final fantasy (woo! the ultimate geek!) i wonder who my Sin would be. or my seymour. haha. somebody who i have to keep defeating and he/she just keeps coming back. i'll bet i could really read into it and say it was some part of me that i am fighting. haha. anyways. i'm done psychoanalyzing my life/video game now. :)

and i also used to read choose your own adventure books. they were great. strange, though, 'cause i'm so indecisive now. how did i ever get through even one of those books?

*goes to find you some crackers*
( read spoken (5) — speak )

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