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hair

To me, hair defines personality.

With the exception of people that go bald, it seems to me that hair is the part of the body that people have the most control over. We choose whether we want to grow it long, how we want it cut, whether or not we want to style it, put color in it, etc.

Granted, there are other personality-changing body things, like piercings or tattoos. And there's always more material things like choice of clothing, rings, etc. But... i dunno. hair is something different, something unique. It has a sense of permanence that material things lack, but it also has an easy sense of flexibility that piercings and tattoos don't offer.

i've never been secure about my physical presence. I don't find myself that attractive, i don't think i have a nice body. I suppose it's a typical thought of low-esteemers. But i've always been proud of my hair. My personality has always shown through in my hair, and i've always been happy with it.

When i was younger, my hair was incredibly long. Then, in 1997, i had it cut by an incredibly talented 14 year old kid who gave it the half-and-half look it has today.

Now, i can't picture myself with long hair anymore. It doesn't feel like me at all. I'm not sure why. But when it starts hitting my shoulders, i start feeling anxious.

The problem is that whenever anything gets done to my hair, i get tense. I remember when i was in musicals in high school and my hair needed to get styled or sprayed, and it would cause physical tension in my shoulders and my breathing would get quicker. I remember how much of a relief it was when i could get that stuff out. Cutting my hair is no exception to that, which is why i only trust two people to cut my hair right. Unfortunately one person is about 3000 miles away from me, and i don't talk to him that much anymore.

At some point i was sitting today and i was feeling tired. With all of the various emotional things going on in my life (which i haven't detailed on here too much because sometimes it's just too much effort), i pulled the hair from the back of my head and pulled it forward so that my head was vaguely covered, and a thought struck me about how cutting hair can maybe be seen as a cleansing, or a discarding of the old to the new. When i got my hair cut in 1997, it certainly had that kind of feel to it, a rebirth, a metaphor for transition.

And put that way.... i think i need a haircut. soon.

Wow. rushed entries suck.

Comments

( read spoken (3) — speak )
(Anonymous)
Feb. 7th, 2003 11:32 pm (UTC)
ms. a LIKES long hair
not that that means you have to grow yours out. ms. a also likes your body *and* thinks you're attractive, but that's another story.

hair...when i was in college, i used to get a completely different style every time i got a hair cut. i would walk into my hairdresser and say, cut it. of course, i had to build trust with her first before i allowed her to have free reign with my hair, but i reasoned that it was only hair. she did an excellent job every time.

once i started growing my hair out, however, i stopped being so cavalier about it. now, it reaches my ass, and i am reluctant to cut it. i think it's because it's become such a part of my identity--a friend has threatened that she won't talk to me if i cut it, too--that i wonder who i would be without it. silly, i know, but i've had it for so long and because i'm such an extreme person, i plan on hacking it all off when i do cut it. that's a big step, and i'm not sure i'm ready for it.

there's a part of me that wants to save that for when i make a huge, major decision in my life. that's also when i'll get my last tattoo.

finally, on the subject of tattoos and piercings, i don't see them as personality-changing so much as part of the personality. my tattoos are a part of me, and i'm surprised when people comment on them or warn to cover them up for whatever occasion because i forget i have them and that some people are put off by them.

anyway, just to reiterate--you are attractive; your hair only makes you more so!
gobuddygogogo
Mar. 29th, 2003 07:08 pm (UTC)
pioneer
i actually had that haircut months before you ever got it. i had always wondered if you subconsciously borrowed it from me, because you never said a word about it being of my influence. mine had a blue/blonde streak.

i'm glad you're keeping it alive and well, but i did indeed experiment with that style when you were still busy instructing us long-haired.

anyway, i got rid of it long ago and have since opted for the shorter spikier look.
lifeofmendel
Mar. 29th, 2003 08:09 pm (UTC)
jeeeesus christ!
mandy david.

i'm speechless. and smiling big time.

how the frell are ya? wow. wow.

i'm not sure if subconsciously i got the idea from you or not. i remember you having the cut, but it didn't occur to me when i got it that it reminded me of hairstyle from someone i knew as much as from some sort of era.

wow. still wow'ed.
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