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relative achievements

because of [NNR], i haven't updated my own personal web record sheet since februrary or march.

i'm going through the process right now of updating that sheet, and looking at my old scores and rewriting them makes me realize two things.

a) i used to *suck* at double.
b) i still think i suck at double, but i'm not as bad as i think.

and the big problem is that by replacing my february scores with my current scores, it will be easy for me to forget that i don't suck as much as i think because having a great count of 40 or higher on any non-10 seems so high to me now whereas before my average great count on most songs 8 feet or higher was in the 70-80 great range.

this isn't new information - it's common knowledge that this is my modus operandi... forget my achievements, move forward.

but in the same way i surprised myself by watching a video of my first drum corps year with the Westshoremen eleven years ago, this is one of those moments where i look back and take stock, forget that i'm surrounded by all of these players that are naturally better PAers that make me think i still have so far to go, and say to myself, "wow."

*laughs* and of course i naturally have this instinct to say, "i hope this feeling doesn't last too long" which contradicts my previous statement of replacing my scores as being a "problem".

i'm such a head case.

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