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taken from sarah.

Ten People I Enjoy The Company Of:
1. The Willamette Marching Band
2. Erica Drake
3. Rachel Carroll
4. Tyler Harding
5. Sean McReady and Nick Buddock
6. Kurt and Laura Doles
7. Mark Lighthiser and Aaron Jester
8. Meredith Williams and Angelo Caruso (or something like that)
9. Brian Gardiner
10. Peggy and Angie Nida


there are a lot more, surely.

Nine Things I Want To Do Before I Die:
1. Parasail and Hang-glide
2. March with Sean, Dennis, and Nick in a bass line or a cymbal line
3. Put a color streak back in my hair
4. Win a composition competition
5. own a DDR machine
6. visit or live in australia
7. cut an album with Hundredth Monkey
8. create a hardcore multimedia installation
9. meet Steven Brust

Eight Things I'm Wearing:
1. the necklace given to me by Michelle in 1998
2. a black hair tie
3. a pair of blue jeans
4. dark blue boxers
5. a belt
6. a band aid
7. a band-camp earned tan
8. a tough emotional outer shell

Seven Things On My Mind:
1. kim
2. canon powershot a60
3. jobs
4. the end of the willamette show
5. tyler
6. my teeth
7. poker

Six Items I Touch Every Day:
1. my qwerty keyboard
2. my cell phone
3. my hair
4. the lives of my students
5. my necklace, whichever one happens to be around my neck.
6. my futon

Five Things I Do Every Day:
1. check my email, LJ friends list, and forums
2. watch an episode of south park
3. think about kim
4. write in LJ, usually
5. think about my friends

Four Songs On My Mind:
1. Russian Christmas Music
2. Pictures at An Exhibition
3. The Rite of Spring
4. Remix by Aphex Twin

Three Things I Think Of When I Wake Up:
1. Kim
2. what time is it?
3. at what point in the south park episode did i fall asleep?

Two Of My Favorite Foods:
1. curry
2. grape water ices

i almost broke down today while i was running errands. I kept on seeing things that would somehow remind me of kim, and it took all of my effort to not have an emotional breakdown in Fred Meyer.

It would have been interesting if i had done it. I have this picture of a music video where someone is doing something like that - shopping in some mall or supermarket, and then out of nowhere has some sort of emotional breakdown and starts screaming and crying and screaming and crying, and the camera pans up to a somewhat far away skyview to show that everyone else in the shopping center has no idea that this person is having an emotional breakdown - they're just going about their business.

sometimes that's how it feels to be in a crowd of people. inside i'm screaming and kicking and falling apart, but no one else around me can see it - they have a filter that allows them to be blind to that sort of thing, or else i have a filter that doesn't allow people to see it.

it reminds me of the time i almost had an emotional breakdown in the kammerer lab on Oct 14, 2002.

anyway. tonight might be a putters day. maybe around 20:00. i need to play some DDR.

Comments

( read spoken (1) — speak )
pearllessoyster
Aug. 30th, 2004 08:07 pm (UTC)
I read that old entry and I completely relate to that feeling. I've had a number of experiences with death, the most prominent being when my childhood best friend died of cancer when we were 14, and more than anything i've found that it just puts a perspective on life. extreme grief pushes you to the outside of society, an observer, and you discover how give-and-take everything is that people do. of course they're going on with their lives - why should your grief stop them? and so, eventually, your grief becomes a part of the normal for you so you can slowly return from the edges. i don't know where i was going with that... somehow related, too, to the fact that life is not easy as it is, that being in high school is not easy, etc, and things like that just throw a person for a loop.

yeah.
( read spoken (1) — speak )

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