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bedtime thought

finding true happiness in/with a relationship isn't possible until you can find true happiness without one first.

that's not *quite* right, but it's the best i can do right now. i've been pouring over reports for the past frickin' ten hours, and i'll likely be doing it again tomorrow. maybe i'll try again when i'm more coherent, but it just popped in my head and had to come out.

Comments

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truthmonkey42
Nov. 28th, 2007 01:36 pm (UTC)
It's a generalization that I absolutely agree with. Between personal experiences of getting involved because it made me happy to BE involved and watching other people's similar situations... it's a hard line for some people to cross. I've been and known people who didn't see value in themselves unless it was reflected in the eyes or emotions of another person - and honestly when/if that relationship ends they are absolutely crushed because they don't have the chops to recognize their own self-worth because they are so dependent on someone else giving them that boost.

So yes - I think a person needs to know how to be alone, to be happy with themselves and how to really BE themselves, know who they are, BEFORE they go about finding someone else to share that person with. I've taken issue with people who look for someone to 'complete' them - as I think that a person should be complete unto themselves and looking for someone to compliment or add to them and their lives in a mutual fashion.

But, that's just my .02... and that was after years and years of going about the whole thing the wrong way and only in the recent past realizing how much more I need to concentrate on getting good with Being Me.

--T42
lifeofmendel
Nov. 28th, 2007 06:59 pm (UTC)
yeah, it's a point that i reached after years of experience as well, although the seeds of that did start even as early as when i was with rebec' but ended up spending months away from her whilst at drum corps.

but while the statement above has its origins in romantic relationships, i meant for the definition to be more broad - that with *any* relationship romantic or otherwise, there's going to be some gap and limit to how healthy/peaceful it can be depending on your own level of personal peace. it's more amplified the closer you get to someone which is why it's escalated most with romantic relationships, but if you are personally falling apart, friendships can strain as well.
truthmonkey42
Nov. 28th, 2007 07:20 pm (UTC)
True 'nuff...
Which brings on the whole tangent in regard to which kinds of friends or relationships would last or not last such a strain during a time of duress. There are the friends who will help or back away as needed but persevere... and there are those who would allow the strain to be a reason to snap the connection because they can't see beyond the
"who you are or who you are willing/able to be for ME right now" - which in a time of a 'friends' personal distress is kind of sad...perhaps selfish?

hmm... work interfering with proper thought expulsion
suerocks
Nov. 28th, 2007 03:31 pm (UTC)
sounds about right to me. I wish more people understood that and felt the same way. I'm lucky enough to be with a person who feels that way too, so it is a complementary type of relationship...where the combination of two wholes makes something that is bigger and better. It's cool, man.
lifeofmendel
Nov. 28th, 2007 06:51 pm (UTC)
i'm really happy for your current relationship. The impression that i get from your LJ is that it's very stable and you're very content, and it's awesome to see you in that space, and to see how your life journey has progressed in the years we've known each other. Best to your collective future.
specter_13
Nov. 28th, 2007 06:45 pm (UTC)
I think I understand what you are getting at, first the other two people that have posted here sound like very smart people and I also agree with them.

It is rare for me to the latter, I think it is something that I have been improving on though.

I do like it that your post a good portion of the time actually give me something to ponder.
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