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line by line

i joined a spotlighted community called linebyline, where the moderator picks a line and everyone has to write an entry using that line beit non-fiction or fiction, prose or poetry, etc.

because it was just spotlighted, it's pretty heavy traffic, which combined with the doctorwho community makes for some cluttered friends pages. it's a little annoying. we'll see how many people stick with the community on a regular basis.

for the first one i did, the line to use was "like a flood". immediately i assumed that most would use the phrase in a "it was like a flood" or "it felt like a flood" or something of that nature, so of course i wanted to use it differently, making "like" the active verb of the phrase as opposed to whatever it's called in that above usage.

the result was an impromptu poem which i think is merely okay.

--

how would you like a raindrop to fall?
silently from the sky free of ceremony
plopping in water of a calm distant world
sizzling against an angry fire, destined to be forgotten
gently into your outstretched hands, cradling it into your skin

how would you like a stream to curve?
rolling down the mountainside as nature would intend
with the curve of the pipe of laughing kids on a slide
against the blaze of anger and hate, calming the lost soul
defying the artificial, allowing rise to true passion and love

how would you like a flood to feel?
a wave that cleanses all that is
an outpour of suffering and loss revealed
a kiss that confesses when words fail
a life beyond, never alone.

--

i'm pretty happy with the overall construction and concept and also the last stanza, but i think the second stanza is only okay and the first stanza kind of sucks. like everything else i do, i'm a big hack job when it comes to poetry. i may have moments of awesome, but the awesome is hardly consistent and is mixed with many more moments of far-from-awesome.

so we'll see where this takes me. another fun creative outlet. not that i'll be lacking that in a few weeks. oy vey.

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Comments

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kitsuneracer
Jul. 15th, 2008 07:09 pm (UTC)
I had to leave the Doctor Who community and Sarah Jane Adventures communities because it was cluttering up my friends pages like crazy. :(
lifeofmendel
Jul. 15th, 2008 07:15 pm (UTC)
the dw community is crazy active, when i want to filter that stuff out i just use the toolbar at the top to just look at people and not communities. i'm still considering leaving that one, but it's tough because for as large of a community as it is, it's pretty awesome.
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