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a majority of my relationships before katie were long distance relationships of some sort where i only saw my significant others maybe once a month. At the time i preferred it that way, and while i'm not in exactly the same space as i was before having a proper local girlfriend, i think it's something i could still pull off given the right circumstances or conditions. Surely there'd be some degree of loneliness, not enough sex, etc., but some degree of distance in some respect (whether actual or metephorical) is important to me when going through something like that because of... well, for complex tangental reasons. The point is, so long as i have *some* connection with my other or others, i can feel pretty content and go through my daily routine without the need for that close presence.

But there's one thing i've discovered is difficult now that i've been and passed through a living-with-your-other paradigm versus a long-distance one: shopping. as an example, food shopping post-breakup in oregon became a lonelier experience, something i don't think i realized until a long time after - which in retrospect is probably one of the reasons why i stopped doing it nearly as often, or at least with as much thought as i had prior.

Earlier today i went my first Target in New Orleans to buy a few things for amanda and mark and also buy some supplies for my new apartment and this also struck me as another moment of loneliness because of how the stuff i was buying wasn't going to be shared. i bought a new microwave, some new dish sponges, light bulbs, and etc. for a place that is just me and no one else. And of course a part of me is very glad that i am where i am both physically and emotionally, but the sentimental part of me still looks at even the smallest of purchases and is sad that the experience isn't a shared one, or at least isn't a shared intent.

but that sort of sadness is a comfortable one and the friends that i always feel close to me everywhere helps me grok the bigger context of this feeling, so it's not a big deal. it's just a fascinating thing to discover and put in a tangible way. i wonder if it's something i'll get over.


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(Deleted comment)
Aug. 26th, 2008 01:25 pm (UTC)
no, but with a washer/dryer in our living space, it was never really a shared activity.
(Deleted comment)
Aug. 26th, 2008 01:41 pm (UTC)
when i was living at tyler's dad's house, there was a washer/dryer i could use there. Then when i moved in with katie, we bought hand me downs from katie's mom's friend for like... $50. Then the apartment i moved in post-breakup had a washer/dryer in the unit.

i have washer/dryer hookups in the place i rented here, there's just no actual washer/dryer. i may poke around craigslist to see if i can find a cheap set because i haven't had to do the laundromat thing now in over five years and have no desire to go back to it.
(Deleted comment)
Aug. 26th, 2008 01:44 pm (UTC)
<3 <3 <3
Aug. 28th, 2008 05:15 pm (UTC)
Grocery shopping was one of the loneliest moments for me after my divorce. I always thought of myself as being independent, but it is really not about that. There's some joy in knowing that you have a shared experience with someone who cares about you and how you are doing. Well, there's lots of folks in NOLA - so who knows if you will be living alone in a year, eh? In any case, it is nice to be aware of how things impact you and not be immobilized by it.

Hope you are well and happy and the new place is coming along.
( read spoken (7) — speak )


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