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grey sky depression

On the ride home from West, Brian G. mentioned something about how he's suffered from winter depression since he was about 14, and recently he's been feeling down.

I mentioned that usually the grey sky and the rain and the smell of the air typically made me feel more vibrant, alive, and less depressed, and that i usually felt the most depressed in the spring. I also mentioned that so far, this fall has been an exception.

the odd thing is that my depression right now feels almost like a conscious decision. I think i could pull myself out of it if i wanted to, but i'm not sure if i do. I've mentioned before about how i sometmes treasure my depression as an old friend and how it can be more comforting than happiness. I don't feel like i'm overly wallowing, i just feel a bit down, and that's fine.

Even so, i hope that it rains relatively hard at some point soon when i have the time to walk in it for a while and just marvel at it.

If not, at least hockey starts on wednesday.

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