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ever since late high school i started brushing my teeth while i showered. it was mainly an efficiency thing. wash my hair, put conditioner in my hair, i need to let the conditioner settle a little before washing it out. perfect time for teeth brushing.

this past christmas my parents got me a sonic toothbrush. it's been something i've been meaning to get for myself for a while but never got around to, so it was cool that they got me one, but the side effect of that is that about 15 or so years of brushing my teeth in the shower 98% of the time has now been halted. it feels like a weird idea to brush my teeth in the shower with a sonic toothbrush. i'm not sure why i think that, but i do.

so i've changed this engrained habit of mine, a routine that i've had for so long. which is fucking fantastic. it's even the little things, the little changes that make me happy, break me out of being in a comfort zone, develop new things to get used to and adapt to. I suspect that maybe after a year or so i might decide to start brushing my teeth in the shower with the sonic toothbrush because the oddness of it will feel more odd than not doing it. maybe a year isn't enough time. maybe i should give it a couple of years.

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the three people on my mobile contact list that are listed as emergency contacts all have names that begin with the letter K. They're three of the most meaningful people in my life, each in their own unique way.

today one of those K's called me up and in the course of our hour long conversation, i ended up spilling a bunch of thoughts and emotions that have been pent up for the past couple of weeks that i haven't had the time to articulate to myself much less anyone else, and it was an interesting self-discovery and release that she enabled by simply being who she is. She's good at that, being a conduit and a guide for my thoughts and emotions both when things are going well and when they're not going well, as i know that i am for her, which is a product of having been friends now for over 20 years and having that mature into becoming very close friends in the past 10. we're very different people, but we sync well together even when we disagree about things. i treasure our friendship a great deal.

at the end of the conversation she mentioned that she might have a drink at dinner, a rarity for her because she's not much of a drinker, and out of random inspiration, i said, 'i'd like to see you drunk,' knowing that she would ask why which led to the punchline of me saying 'because you're damned hot and it would be great to take advantage of you.'

i don't make those sort of comments to her that often because they're never serious, exactly. Well, they are because it's true that she's hot and a pretty amazing woman that i'd love to mess around with, but our context doesn't fit together since our attempt at being high school sweethearts didn't work out and she's married to a pretty wonderful guy who i get along great with and would lay my life down for. we don't actually have any sort of sexual tension in our relationship at all which is the only reason i can get away with saying things like that because we both know it's harmless. But I just say things like that every now and again because it makes her glow. i can *see* her blush on the other end of the phone by her tone of voice and we both laugh about it and then the moment is over.

and she deserved that today because she was a great friend to me when i needed one.

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One of the other K's of that three is having a birthday this sunday. it was difficult for me to find a present for her this year, but i think i got something for her that she might like in addition to getting her something that i know she wanted.

i started getting her birthday presents starting maybe three years ago. I decided to do it then because without her i would not be the person that i am today, would not have the strength of character to have worked through some of the biggest emotional roller coasters i've ever had since she and i had our very messy breakup. so it felt right to give her something, and it now feels like something that is always right to do, to pay tribute to who she is and who we are to each other after having persevered through tumultuous times that are now very much behind us.

she's not particularly thrilled that i'm getting her something this year. it kind of makes me giggle which i know would get a Look from her if we actually looked at each other. Which is odd too if i think about it because for all of the meaning that we have in each others lives, we haven't actually physically seen each other in many years, and i'm not expecting that to change any time soon since i know that her husband still doesn't like me very much.

that's okay; i don't particularly like him much either, but at the same time i kind of do, and i'd probably honestly lay my life down for him too if it comes down to it because, well, he's the husband of my closest friend and they make each other very genuinely happy, and it's pretty impossible for me to actually dislike someone who can make the people i love genuinely happy.

i still have hopes that maybe some day the relationship i have with him will change. Hannah's husband harbored resentment towards me for about a decade, and we've now hit a point where there's absolutely no issues between us at all, and that feels awesome. maybe this could do that too, maybe not. *shrug* i'll take it as it comes.

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i feel like babbling on since it's rare that i put out an entry like this these days, but it's probably a better idea that i stop. time to make a quick walgreens run, and then maybe i'll sleep. tomorrow is going to be a busy day.

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shandrew
Feb. 1st, 2011 08:20 pm (UTC)
I use a sonicare toothbrush on a 2-minute timed clean. It disturbs me to notice how some mornings the two minutes feels really, really long, while on other days I don't even get to all of my teeth.
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