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ten day meme: day five

continuing the ten day meme that i ganked from xtingu.

Day One - Day Two - Day Three - Day Four
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever).
Day Seven: Four things you want in a romantic partner.
Day Eight: Three of your favorite possessions.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life or yourself right now.
Day Ten: One confession

this one is so easy it doesn't have to go behind a cut: nothing.

everything that's happened to me both positive and negative make me who i am today. to think that there is something negative in my past that would improve my life or my perspective just by reversing that negative is a knee-jerk reaction that makes assumptions about a long "what if" sort of fantasy that has no merit.

i've made mistakes and i acknowledge them. things would have gone differently if those mistakes weren't made. but better? my life right now is riddled with some issues and stress, but overall it's absolutely fantastic. not that it wouldn't be fantastic another way, but there's no point in speculating one versus the other. i choose to approach life in such a way that i control how i feel about it and make it fantastic despite mistakes or fuck ups.

i stopped "wishing" for things a long time ago. wishing and wanting doesn't get me where i want to be, doing does. if i don't do, i acknowledge that it's my own damned fault for not getting there, if there's variables outside of my control and i've done the best that i've done, i can't ask for anything more of myself, so i just adapt. i can't imagine having a life philosophy different than that.

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Comments

( read spoken (4) — speak )
eskarina1000
Feb. 16th, 2011 03:00 am (UTC)
How I envy you your attitude. No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to do the same for myself.
lifeofmendel
Feb. 16th, 2011 09:00 am (UTC)
the philosophy behind this was a long time coming.

i don't know if you've read any of my back entries, but the tribute i wrote to bubba is really what planted the seeds for this. the experience i had in my final show of the crossmen is a memory that i'll cherish for the rest of my life. after i aged out, every now and again i would think about what it would have been like to age out of cadets instead. if i had gone back and done it again based on how i live my life now, i probably would have done that, marched cadets, and a part of me speculates that my life could have been "better" because i would have had more relevant connections to the drum corps world, to drumming and my career path as an educator could have been much more successful.

But i wouldn't have that memory, i wouldn't have had jason to instill such an important fundamental set of ideals when it comes to my teaching philosophy and how i teach today. and even though i'm not the most successful famous percussion instructor, over 13 years later, after a long journey that involved finding home with a high school marching program in oregon, and then getting fired from there under false pretenses, going into corporate work for three years, here i am, making my living as a drumline instuctor and a musician.

so a part of the peace i have with where i am comes from that, as well as other things that have happened in my life that i could have "wished' were different but was out of my control. twice i almost got married, both times things got fucked up. part of that was me, part of it was the other person. a part of me knows that i could be "happier" if things had turned out, but i absolutely refuse to allow that sort of thinking to interfere with the contentedness and happiness and peace i have with my life, even if it means that i can get lonely and have occasional lapses of 'wishing things had gone differently.' too much of my life is awesome to allow something even as major as that taint the awesomeness of it.

okay. tired just-woke-up babbling over.
pearllessoyster
Feb. 16th, 2011 04:27 am (UTC)
precisely! amen!
pearllessoyster
Feb. 16th, 2011 04:28 am (UTC)
and, with that, i grab this meme for myself and realize i will probably wind up writing something similar when I reach day 5....
( read spoken (4) — speak )

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