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from A to Z - After

Of the various potential and actual romantic relationships i've had in my life (which total eight), i feel fortunate to be very close friends with five of them.

i think that what it comes down to is that after that period of mourning and loss and potential triggers for "the way things used to be" (however long that period is which varies from person to person), the negatives of the relationship dissipate and what remains is everything that made the relationship great. Then all it takes is a mental adjustment to enhance and appreciate how that relationship can translate to friendship and a nostalgic sense of the past rather than a wistful one, and given my general characteristic of never looking back, not having any regret, that's hardly ever a problem.

of course i have moments of relapse and "what if", but those are fleeting. It's easy to look at this ex-gf who is now happily married and wonder what it would be like if it were me, but i know that if i *had* gotten married at that time i wouldn't be the me that I am, and i'd likely be wondering what it would be like if i weren't married.

of the remaining ex-gfs that i am not close friends with, i'd gladly be if they were willing, but one decided to leave me behind because we developed into different enough people that she didn't feel she could relate to me anymore, another is unlikely to contact me again at this point because she's more of the "putting the past behind her" type (i think), and the third is just flaky on me for reasons that don't matter much any more.

but that's okay. because if after eight meaningful relationships or almost relationships i can still make over half of them still meaningful in a different context, i think that still counts as a win.

Comments

( read spoken (4) — speak )
lacoste38
Jul. 11th, 2012 04:36 am (UTC)
I like this blogging idea. What will B... be?!

Anyway. Dan and I have actually talked about this recently. We each have one former relationship where the person we ended things with will not talk to us, a person or two we've simply fallen out of touch with, and then for the most part we're still chummy with everyone else. I like it that way. If someone was that important to you at some point in your life, I'm glad that when I reflect on what we had I can be happy, and be happy for them and whatever it is they're doing. When things go sour, it's a lot more difficult. Since Dan and I have been together 3.5 years, I don't have any "recent" breakups, but if I did that may change things, as usually that period is... turbulent. ;)
lifeofmendel
Jul. 11th, 2012 04:41 am (UTC)
B is going to be about a video game named Bastion because it's one of the better video games i've played in years.

i know i still owe you an email. will get to you soon, promise. :)
pokarpokarpokar
Jul. 12th, 2012 11:38 pm (UTC)
How do you define winning in this context?
lifeofmendel
Jul. 13th, 2012 12:25 am (UTC)
winning in that i can still have meaningful relationships with those that i care about and still care about me.
( read spoken (4) — speak )

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