Log in

No account? Create an account

prev | next

making the most of an asshole situation

I'm in a Dark Chess tournament right now, and one of the guys i'm playing tried to be a pompous asshole about his skills. My first move as white, I did my standard, "hi, welcome, good luck!", and he responded back with a simple flat statement, "i will crush you."

Now, most people in this situation would react negatively to this statement. ignore it, lash back at it, or just at least be annoyed by it.

proof i'm not most people.

we've each made about six or so moves now, and the conversation we've had has gone something like this:

  • me: hi! GL.

  • him: i will crush you.

  • me: like an orange? like a peanut? orange is messier, but a better pictoral. Or maybe like a really bad accident. got in a minor accident recently.

    Whatever. You probably will... i'm good, but not great. hopefully i can give you some sport.

  • him: you will be crushed.... i would not consider a 65% winning percentage as 'good'... crushed.

  • me: if/when you crush me, i'd prefer it like ice. I don't like cubed ice, just crushed.

    win percentage schmin percentage. I play more to play than to win. I'll take a great loss over a nonsense win any day. If you want more ammo, a few of those wins are from timeouts, so I'm even Less-Good than that.

  • him: it is very hard to be a prick to someone when they are being so nice... STOP IT! you will be crushed.

  • me: heh. would you prefer a "fuck you asshole! you're going down! I will eat you for breakfast! you won't know what hit you!"


    nah, i'll be crushed. like ice. or an orange. Or like one of those fruit smoothies you can get at a coffee place. yum. i could go for one of those right now. too bad all the shops are closed. then again, if you crush me like one, maybe i can eat myself.

    now that's just weird.

  • him: hmmm... you are strange... i will enjoy crushing you

  • me: heh. yeah, i'm pretty strange when i let myself. i admit it. i'm not one of those freakos that says, "i'm the one that's normal. everyone else is weird."

    I'm also really fucking tired. four hours of sleep, teaching hyperactive high school kids for a couple of hours, and then coming back to a music history class. ugh. i'd rather be crushed like a fruit smoothie. or a mosquito because i'm allergic to them. but if i *was* one, would i be allergic to myself? that's a strange problem.

    ANYway... yeah.

  • him: stop it... stop it damn it... this is serious shit... i am going to crush you!

  • me: oh! i see! serious! yes! *puts on serious face... see the wrinkles in his forehead become INTENSE! in fact, you might call his forehead "crushed" now... is that what you meant by crushed? hmm... an asterisk belongs on the other side of this, but it's been a long time since i've had the first one... oh well.*

it's a bit hard to read his tone, which makes me think he doesn't type that fast, but especially from the way he phrased the last few responses, i think he's still trying to be a prick, but he's loosening up about it a bit. it feels like i'm trying to tickle him and he's trying his hardest not to react and almost but not quite succeeding. i'm getting a good laugh out of it, and i kind of hope he is too.

And here's the funny thing. if i *do* happen to win this game, i think i'm going to feel a bit guilty because I might have injured his pride. says something about my personality.


( read spoken (1) — speak )
Oct. 26th, 2002 06:25 am (UTC)
ms. a., definitely not taking the high road
only you would take such a situation and turn it into an absolute farce. shows the kind of person you are, and one of the reasons i love ya! my instinct would be, "oh yeah? crush this, asshole", but you manage to keep it funny without being patronizing. you have the gift. you should be a hostage mediator. you would be good at it.

actually, you dealt with the jerk in a very taoist kind of way. you wouldn't give him anything to push against, so his attempt came up flat.

i, being not as highly-evolved as you, only have this to say. crush the asshole.
( read spoken (1) — speak )


welcome to the lifeofmendel

you can also find me here:

meSubscribe to me on YouTube


March 2017