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another case of learned habit reactions

What's odd about this morning when i woke up is that I felt pretty awake. My brain felt slow, but alert. I thought about what I had to do for the day, whether or not i had time to eat, things like that. And usually when i first wake up it takes effort for me to come up with those kinds of thoughts.

But i must have been more asleep than i thought, or maybe it's something else entirely, because two interesting things happened in the course of my normal morning routine. The first thing i did was to pick up my pager and attempt to hook it on to my pants before i had pants on. I suppose it's not that unusual when the motion of picking up my pager and hooking it on to my pants is really one action as opposed to two, but it still struck me how automatic the whole thing felt and that I didn't have time to register the fact that i had no pants on.

The second thing that happened is a bit more complex. i brush my teeth when i shower, so i keep my toothbrush on the rack that holds the household soap and shampoo. When i first moved in, i had it set up on the shower curtain rod on the far side of the shower, but earlier this year i moved it to where most Normal People put it - behind the actual shower head.

I didn't take a shower this morning, so i was just brushing my teeth over the sink. when i was done, instead of reaching immediately to my right to put the toothbrush back on to the rack, i turned around so that i could put it back on where the rack used to be. I remember that once i turned around, even when I saw that the rack wasn't there, i was startled and confused for as long as a second, maybe two, before i remembered that i had moved it somewhere else.

Incidents like that make me wonder what's in store for me in the future when i'm older. People tend to accept their own memories as being factual as opposed to subjective. They remember things a certain way and they'll defend their memory aggressively if challenged because to accept that their memory about even trivial things is faulty is a threat to one of the deepest forms of self security.

Maybe if i smoke enough weed and eliminate my ability to remember things from the start, it won't be such a big deal when it happens to me later on.

Marijuana - instant memory trauma therapy.


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March 2017