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the "past"

It's funny.

I mean, i know that i had a few positive experiences in high school, but i didn't really start to develop my identity or sense of self until i hit college. memories of high school come in flashes, not only because i have a poor memory, but because a part of my subconscious wants to block it out.

But while i may not associate myself with my high school anymore, that part of my past can still be used as a connection to people. Recently Dedrick TSL (or so i still dub him) pointed me to his lj after we haven't talked or kept in contact for... i dunno. years. And from his lj, i found other people who i knew in high school or were in the high school when i taught there.

And it's really odd, because although the high school is the bridge to that connection, i don't think of those people in relation to the high school anymore. It's kind of like when a vcr is connected to the TV. the thing that actually *connects* those two devices is an RCA or an S-Video cable, but people don't think about that in the connection process except in the setup or problem-solving stage. We don't say, "send the vcr signal into the patch cord into the tv." we say, "send the vcr into the tv."

so when I was perusing jim and brian's lj, somewhere in the back of my mind i was thinking, "these are people from my high school", but mostly i just used the high school as a function, no different than, say, me going to a party, meeting someone there once, and then seeing them later and using that first meeting to help interact with them. The fact that i knew these people in high school is meaningless. it doesn't have to with who they are now, which is much more relevant.

It's like what I said in my bio for my recital:

I tend to live by two general philosophies:

a) My professional and personal Past is completely represented by who I am in the Present.

b) Those who have any kind of interaction with me will see me differently because of what parts of my Present they may or may not know.

What this means is that anything I write about myself just isn't that important. Those of you who have had interactions with me already know what you need to know. Those of you who have no idea who I am... can decide for yourselves based on this first interaction if you want to know more about me without me having to put self-promoting words in a shabbily put-together program.

Wow. This went in a different direction than i originally intended. Not bad, though. I'd better quit while i'm ahead. It's time to teach anyway.


( read spoken (2) — speak )
(Deleted comment)
Mar. 16th, 2003 01:54 am (UTC)

i'm okay. been better. been worse.
(Deleted comment)
Mar. 16th, 2003 12:19 pm (UTC)

you live. especially for moments of non-suckage in the face of overall suckage.
( read spoken (2) — speak )


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March 2017