lifeofmendel

there was a period of time in my life of a few years when i would get in the shower and use it to meditate. I would feel the hot water on my back and concentrate on my breathing, relaxing my shoulders, and then i would apply the body wash and shampoo to my body and feel like i was cleansing not just my skin of dirt, but my mind of stress.

i don't know when that stopped, but lately showers have been a place where i have too much time to think about things that i don't really want to think about.

though come to think of it, that's not *that* different from how i treated it before, it's just a different slant. and those thoughts... maybe i need to think about them to gain clarity, and the shower can sometimes seem like the equivalent of a save sphere - it's a place to recouperate, gather your thoughts, free of outside distractions.

anyway, when i was in the shower today, the idea of taking some sort of break from contact with kim rolled around in my head, and i think i might give it a try. it's definitely effort to have her in my life in any regard right now, and i think i still need time to heal.

i'm supposed to go over to kurt and laura's in about 25 minutes, and i'm fekking tired as all hell. i think i might try a five minute nap and then drive over. those usually do me a lot of good.