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an open random question

somewhere i have an instinct that relationships that are started by personals, whether newspaper or on-line, are generally frowned upon and don't last. And i'm not sure where that instinct comes from.

I mean, a couple of my closest friendships started or have been rekindled by email that would have never developed or grown over the phone or through daily interaction. Is it any worse than, say, going to a bar to pick up someone, or even asking a colleague at school or at work out for a date?


( read spoken (7) — speak )
Mar. 26th, 2003 12:10 am (UTC)
meeting someone online or through an add or service is generally frowned upon because it makes one look "desperate". i see that as "bullshit", but that's just me.
Mar. 26th, 2003 12:14 am (UTC)

*cocks head to side in puzzlement*
Mar. 26th, 2003 12:24 am (UTC)
yes. i met my bf online...and you wouldn't believe the amount of CRAP i get for it.
Mar. 26th, 2003 12:30 am (UTC)
no doubt you got a lot of crap for it. but... why does it seem desperate? especially these days? or do people think that picking people up at a bar is desperate too, and this is just a different version? or do they place this in a higher category or lower category of desperation?..
Mar. 27th, 2003 01:02 am (UTC)
well...when you meet someone in a bar, you can SEE who you're talking to. online, you need to place a certain amount of trust in the person you're speaking to. example: you're trusting that i trusting that i really am an 18-year old college girl and not some 50-year old balding man who wears diapers and likes child porn. the fact that one is willing to allow themself to be vulnerable to the possibility of the unexpected (meeing someone from the internet) instead of going out with someone you've physically MET is what makes people appear "desperate". it often seems that one who seeks out people online/through personals is unable to find someone in "real life" so they must resort to methods where looks are not always at the forefront.
Mar. 26th, 2003 09:20 pm (UTC)
I imagine a lot of people are just really busy, too. There was a time when meeting people in bars sounded awful, but it was ok if the person went there with fiends at a time when everyone did so, like college, I suppose.
It could be that today, everyone's online anyhow, for various reasons, and it begins to seem normal to "meet" people there, if everything you do involves computers, etc. There is the element of the unknown, though, that makes it weird. Not that people you meet IRL can't be weird, untruthful and untrustworthy, too! Maybe it depends on whether the site you encounter such people in(on?) is related to interests or activities, or just exists for matchmaking purposes.
And of course, today you can't ask out co-workers!! Something has to fill the gap!
Just observations and speculations: not relevant to my existence, of course.
Mar. 26th, 2003 11:26 pm (UTC)
ms. a rolls up her sleeves
and dives right in. i think it's become more acceptable in these enlightened times to meet someone on-line. i think the danger, though, is that you can be anybody you want on-line. that's why i'd advise one or two e-mails before meeting the person face-to-face. otherwise, it's not hard to create a relationship that only exists in cyberspace. i think there's a tendency to reveal too much through e-mail before actually meeting, creating the impression that there is more to the relationship than there really is.

personally, have done all--met people on-line through personals, met them in bars, etc., i prefer the old-fashioned way (especially if i'm just looking for some fun) because it's easier for me to read someone in person than through e-mail. i don't want to waste my time, and it's too tempting to endlessly e-mail back and forth and fantasize about what might be rather than meet and deal with what really is.
( read spoken (7) — speak )


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