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the 4th of july barbecue

You thought you were going to get an event based entry, didn't you? Ha!

It's just odd hanging out with Scott, Andy, and Kurt sometimes. They're constantly flinging out testosterone in one form or another, posturing, ruffling their feathers, looking for the alpha male position. It's almost like watching a nature show.

Usually when stuff like that happens, i let myself merge into the wall or something. Sometimes to observe, because it can be entertaining. Other times to escape, because it can be exhausting and irritating. At one point, they, along with Andy's betrothed, Liz, were all in the living room just being guys (Liz was being... Liz. I could talk about how shifty (not necessarily bad) her aura is, but that would be a tangent), and i just needed a break. So i asked Laura if i could let Dexter and DeeDee out, and she said, sure. So i let them out, sat on the dining room floor and just watched them scamper for a little while. Laura was doing the dishes, partially because she wanted things to be Clean, but i think partially because she was getting a bit tired from all of the posturing too.

As i said, Liz has somewhat of a shifty aura, but towards the end of the evening, she said one of the nicest things to me just in passing. I don't remember exactly what the context was, but some sort of typical male-macho comment that came out of Andy or Scott made Liz say, half in jest, "Men are disgusting." I was trying to figure out a way to say, "I know," without making it sound like I was putting myself outside of that generalization and thus insulting the three males in the house, but before I could do it, Liz turned to me and said, "Except for you." And she said something about how she's never seen me act like a guy (we've met maybe three or four times now). I don't remember how i reacted on the outside. I think i might have shrugged and smiled a little bit before the attention went back to someone else. But inside, i felt both touched and a measure of pride that she thought that about me.

of course, i could come up with a plethora of reasons why things like that shouldn't make me feel good. It's almost automatic for me to... remind myself where I really sit in the grand scheme of things. But it was a nice feeling while it lasted.


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March 2017