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on july 14th, 2002, i started this livejournal and in it, i wrote these words:

I'm not writing in here with the illusion that it's about Truth. It's not about revealing my inner self and my deepest thoughts and secrets. It's about how i reveval these things in the knowledge that i'm vulnerable. It's about the perceived truth i give to myself and to the people i know when i know that these are open pages.

that bit is running through my mind 2,061 entries later because very recently i had this big notion of how my journal wasn't really Mine anymore, how the content of what and how i write in here these days seems to be more driven by my audience rather than me.

and then i thought about that above passage and realized how wrong that was. because regardless of the influences that dictate what i write (either internal or external), i *do* have complete ownership of it. whatever forces may steer me to write a particular way, omit this part of my life, enhance this other part of my life, i control how it plays out.

because the simple fact is that blogging has nothing to do with truth. it has everything to do with information control.

and as it regards what is currently transpiring in my life and in my head - the true extent of it completely from that which is beautiful to that which is ugly - that distinction feels particularly poignant at present.

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March 2017