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2000 vs 2009 as a reflection

it didn't really occur to me that we're in a new decade until i started to see telly clips that were reflecting on the last decade, and that highlights another great reason why making a new year some sort of bookmark doesn't work for me.

i'm *such* a different person than i was ten years ago. minna was still a strong force in my life. kim and i were in the throes of whatever we were. i had just started my masters degree and had just moved to the west coast. i never played DDR. i didn't even start this LJ until 2002. &c &c.

reflecting on that past for more than a fleeting moment is simply not important. reflecting on all of the stuff that's happened in the past decade isn't productive. i am a product of all of those experiences and all of that time in a way that's less tangible but more significant than what i'm able to recall of any specific moment in that history.

the transition from 2009 to 2010 should therefore be similarly unremarkable, yet i have this *instinct* to reflect on the past year and to treat the new year as something New, to shed 2009 as if it was all bollocks when in reality it was just the latter half of 2009 that started to go downhill and made me want to say "good riddance to 2009" as if suddenly writing a new number on checks somehow makes everything better. and that's utter nonsense.

i understand that there's validity to this sort of thinking in other people, that the ceremony of starting something fresh and new can be revitalizing and be a good checkmark for doing resolutions or adjusting finances, using it as a debrief to steer ones direction in a different way, but my life generally doesn't work like that, nor do i want to adhere to that sort of paradigm. it's not who i am, it's not who i want to be. if i'm going to drive change or motivation or a transition, i'm going to do it on my own terms, and not based on some arbitrary designation of a year or a birthday or any of that.

that said, you'd think that the air would taste a little different or something. maybe it does but i can't tell because i have a poor sense of smell.

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March 2017