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last night i had a very elaborate and long dream that a former romantic interest of mine and i just agreed to get married.

the only real detail i remember was that we agreed upon it while we were in our house where we were living together, and the circumstance was a casual one. no ceremony or anything, just a "this makes sense, this should happen" sort of thing. and despite that, i remember feeling incredibly happy about it, a relaxed sort of happy.

it was also another instance of a dream where there was back history to it that wasn't dreamt about but was distinctly remembered as a vital part of the dream being at the point that it was. as we agreed to get married, memories of circumstances surrounding her former boyfriend popped into my head, but in a memory-inexact sort of way and a history that was made up and not actually representative of anything that happened in real life. that's the part that's always fascinating to me, having a dream where there's a background, a history.

at any rate, when i woke up, the dream was very fresh in my head, and my first reaction wasn't emotional at all. it was a headcock to the side and a mental, "huh." which i think is staggeringly significant and says something about my current emotional state.

not that it can't change. life is fantastic in so many ways right now, maybe it will become fantastic in that way too. i'm just not counting on it at the moment, but not in a pessimistic way, in a more passive resigned way, and that's fine until things change.

*stretch* time for a phone call. i should probably bring this up in the call so i can get yelled at again.


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March 2017