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small things.

in the past week or so i've been getting done a bunch of small productive things. In some ways it can be seen as a warmup for some of the big things i have to tackle. In some ways it can be seen as a delaying action.

The fact that it can function in both ways is the reason why a long time ago i came to realize that I did better when i had multiple projects to focus on as opposed to one. It's true that i can focus my energy on a single thing for many hours especially when deadlines hit, but in general my brain doesn't work like that - when i get in a place that's stuck or if i really don't feel it, i can get into these ruts as it relates to individual projects, and sometimes that translates into me being a lazy blob for a period of time while other times it translates to me shifting my energy to some other productive thing.

Right now i'm still in a conceptual headspace with my percussion ensemble commission which translates to not yet having put any notes down on paper. I'm going to force myself to start sketchwork next week so that I can at least get the ball rolling before things explode in mid to late April between moving and concerts and Hawaii. Right now, that commission feels like a big daunting and looming thing, along with the prospect of moving in about a month. Both are constantly in my headspace, but don't have any real momentum as of yet other than preliminaries.

But time spent otherwise has been more in the 'productive other ways" space rather than the "lazy blob" space, and i've started kicking it into a higher gear again in an attempt to put the momentum into the other stuff soon. Mainly it's been picking at things here and there - i finished the program for my nienteForte concert today and now can take that off of my to-do list until i have to do a final printing. I created a semi-complex spreadsheet for the office to deal with recruitment season which will be in high gear over the next month and a half. I've put together more details for DSR Cubed on to the DSR Cubed website so that we can start that sort of plan. I got done most of my taxes, shelving some of the more complicated bits for later. I wrote a techno track for CyberTrek for Galaxy Interactive. &c.

All of that is trying to gear me up for Super Productive Mode that will start happening probably next week as i gear for the Super Crazy that will happen in April. It's when i get in this state that i start overusing Evernote again as a checklist, start planning out exactly what my evenings are all about so that I can organize in my head what needs to be accomplished when and allow for contingencies if those plans get waylaid.

It's fairly exhilarating. I remember how it felt when i was panicking a little about beauty...beholder right before i had gotten over the hump of, "am i really going to be able to pull this off?" to "okay. I got it now. I can do this and i have time to spare." During that time, the slight panic and stress put me into a compositional and productive frenzy, the rush of which bled over in some ways through the landmark of the world premiere of the piece a month ago.

That slight panic and stress feeling is starting to happen again, and like last time it's moving out of that space of overwhelming/daunting and into that space of exhilarating. This is what i'm good at. Taking multiple big projects, laughing in the face of them while their deadlines loom closer, deciding to get a bunch of other shit done thus fooling the big things into thinking they're unimportant, and then getting them done before they know what hit them.

If i step outside of myself, i can allow myself to say that it feels fantastic. But i probably won't step outside of it until May lest it ruin the momentum and feeling that's starting to build. It may have been a mistake to even write about it, but i needed to write Something today for obtuse personal reasons, and it was either this or a review of Hot Tub Time Machine and this won.


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March 2017