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i've said this many times and it won't be the last time: the greatest part of the personal and professional relationship that i have with mark is how we complement each other. he has strengths that are my weaknesses, he has weaknesses that are my strengths, and everything in between. and the bottom line has always been one of profound mutual respect and trust, especially in the knowledge that even though we approach our teaching in different ways, ultimately the bottom line is we always have the same goal of creating the best experience for our students as possible.

it was three nights ago that Mark had his last night as a full New Orleanian resident. It still doesn't feel quite real, but tonight (when i was walking to the grocery store to get supplies for cooking of all times), the sadness of it hit me ever so slightly. Of course there's excitement - excitement for his new adventures in portland as well as for the rest of his family, and excitement for myself to take on the new challenge of stepping into his role as the assistant director of bands. But the vacancy of their presence in New Orleans is a jarring one and will continue to be as new things remind me of them.

as it relates to the tulane job, i'm already starting to make adjustments in the way that i approach decision-making and responsibility, and i'm mentally preparing myself for the new stuff as much as i can, as much as i can absorb at once. There's so much for me to learn, and a lot that i'm not good at - and that's the stuff that i need to focus on, force myself and train myself to get better at those things. You don't come out of a percussion performance degree by just playing that one instrument that you excel at, you don't win DDR competitions by just playing Max 300 over and over again, you don't become a better poker player by ignoring your leaks and how that affects your profit.

of all of the challenges that i'm preparing myself to face, there are two that are the big ones. One i can't talk about unless i put this entry behind a friends-cut which i'm not going to do - that may go into a separate entry. The other is that right now we're not planning on hiring a replacement for my job until sometime in the spring, and while i already have in place a person who will take over my duties with the drumline, the administrative aspects of my current job will stay with me on top of all of the administrative duties i absorb from mark's job.

it's daunting. it feels beyond me and makes me nervous in a way that i haven't felt in a very long time. and that's awesome. because it's driving me, making me demand of myself that i rise up to that challenge. i know i won't suck at it. but being merely good at it is not an option. I need to be great. I have to do justice to Mark's legacy and dedicate myself to the student experience and to the program's success.

And somehow write a wind ensemble piece by january in my spare time.

It's a'comin'.

time to see what i'm made of.

Comments

( read spoken (4) — speak )
derien
Aug. 1st, 2014 10:14 am (UTC)
Good luck in your new position - I'm sure you'll nail it. :)

(Just curious - is Mark going to Portland, OR, or the older Portland in Maine?)
lifeofmendel
Aug. 1st, 2014 01:56 pm (UTC)
oregon. you're not getting a new neighbor. :)
belenen
Aug. 1st, 2014 09:49 pm (UTC)
that's a lot of shifting! Empathy on your friend moving away. Even when it is the best move for them, it's hard to deal with them leaving!
five_tailedfox
Aug. 2nd, 2014 12:49 pm (UTC)
In case you forgot, you're made of awesome.
( read spoken (4) — speak )

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